I m sorry Sammy
by and.why.the.hell.not
Summary: After John s death, Dean shuts Sam out and lives in his own world until Sam confronts him. Dean breaks leaving Sam hurt and bleeding on the ground. He blames Sam but then realizes something about Sam that he missed over the last few days. When he recognizes what he had done, is it too late? A lot of pain, anger, guilt and brotherly love.
1. Chapter 1

I´m sorry Sammy

Dean hadn´t talked to his brother or anyone else since they had burnt and buried their father and Sam is getting really frustrated about it. Dean is getting darker and quieter from day to day. Even now Dean is drinking and only focused on fixing the Impala. Sam exited the house and slowly walked over to Dean who was trying to hammer out the Impala´s bonnet at that moment.

"Morning sunshine. Do you finally bother to get outside for a change?" Dean asked sarcastically while hitting the Impala again, producing the loud noise of metal hitting metal.

"I was taking a shower, Dean. You should try it some time." Sam retorted silently mustering Dean´s greasy overall up and down. Dean recognized Sam´s motion and looked down himself.

"Well Sam, this is how you look when you do hard work" he grinned but he couldn´t fool Sam with his faked happiness. Sam could see the sadness in Dean´s eyes and the bags under his eyes. He hadn´t slept in days.

"Don´t you want to talk about it?" Sam asked hoping to get a serious answer but also knowing his big brother too well to think that there were any chances for that to happen.

Dean´s face went blank and he turned around to the Impala again. "About what?" he asked, trying to drop the subject immediately.

"You know exactly what I am talking about." Sam walked around the Impala so he could face his brother. When Dean showed no response he added "Dad".

"What is there to talk about?" Dean hit the Impala again but harder than before. Sam couldn´t understand his brother. How could he be so stoic when he was just trying to help.

"Don´t you think it´s weird that he just survived a car crash and then drops dead after you wondrously woke up from a coma the doctors had not much hope you would wake up from?" Suddenly Dean spun around and pushed Sam to the ground. "What are you implying by that!" Sam, startled by Dean´s outburst, started standing up again. "I was just saying..." but Dean hit him in the face and sent him back to the dusty ground. "You are always just saying, Sammy" Dean didn´t realize that he had hit Sam really hard and that his nose actually started bleeding. "Why do you start worrying about Dad now? You never liked that guy!" Dean hit Sam again who hadn´t recovered from the last hit just yet and his knuckles made contact with Sam´s eye, leaving a cut over his right brow and it already started swelling. But Dean didn´t realize any of it in his rage. He kept hitting Sam while throwing things like "You always hated dad, so don´t behave like the perfect son now", "You are the one who left us alone in the first place, Dad just wanted to keep you safe" and "You never even apologised for what you did, you even blamed him" at him. At some point Dean stopped hitting his little brother and just started kicking him while Sam lay curled into himself in the dirt. "If you had listened to him this wouldn´t have happened. THIS. IS. YOUR. FAULT!" Dean kicked Sam as hard as he could with every word and then sank down on his knees breathing heavily and blacked out.

This is it so far. Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did:D

To be continued...


	2. Chapter 2

When Dean started getting aware of his surroundings again at least a few minutes had past. Sam was finally able to sit up and even started to lift himself on his feet but having some trouble doing so. When Dean saw the movement he looked up and was shocked by what he saw. Sam´s whole face was covered in blood. It was streaming out of his nose and a nasty cut over his eye which was swollen. He held his arm over his ribcage where Dean had kicked him several times hissing with every movement. That was the moment Dean realized what he had done.

"Shit Sam, I am so sorry" Dean wanted to get up and help his brother but Sam flinched back as soon as Dean moved in his direction. He _flinched_.

"I didn´t...I´m so sorry, Sam..." Dean stumbled lifting his hands in surrender watching his little brother climb to his feet.

"It´s okay...Dean...you are right...I had it coming" Sam´s voice was full of pain and Dean could hear how much effort he had to put just into speaking. When Sam tried to stand up straight he hunched with pain and started coughing blood. Dean jumped next to him right before he could drop on the ground again. Even now Dean could feel Sam moving away from him, but he could stand on his own and nearly fell again. It broke Dean´s heart that his little brother, the one he had sworn to protect with his own life, was now hurt by his own hands.

"Please Sam, just let me help you" Sam didn´t answer him but he let Dean lay his arm around his waist and put his own arm over his shoulders. Like this they hobbled into the house and Dean helped Sam lay down on the couch. He was relived that Sam let him clean his wounds and felt guilty and sick seeing the big colourful bruises on his brother´s ribs. Sam fell asleep pretty soon, exhausted by everything that had happened. Dean was thinking about staying by his side but then he decided that Sam would probably dislike seeing him first when he woke up so he went into the kitchen opened a bottle of beer and sat at the table. He didn´t even take a sip of his beer, trapped in the thought of what his brother might think about him right now. He repeated every word he had thrown at Sam and just sat there shaking his head in disbelieve. How could he have said something like that to him? But then something hit him. Sam hadn´t even tried to defend himself. Not with words and not physically. He just lay there and let Dean hit him not moving an inch.

Thanks for reading and have a nice day:D


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